Oh dear! On Being stupid at 82…
The Knees were Angry, and it was all the fault of the Wheelie bin.
It sat at the top of the drive, full of rubbish, heavy and in the way. A helpful friend had taken it up. Ours is a very steep drive. But we had missed the collection.
“We cant leave it there” said D (aka the toy boy. He is only 80) “Help me get it down”.
Yes of course! With the strength of our joint 163 years….no problem.
You can guess can’t you? Knees braced, one on either side we started.
Such a shame no one there to video it….almost certainly would have gone viral.
A weird experience, rather like those moments when you know your car is sliding out of control on ice.
Speed picked up, gravity started winning and the feet were trying hard to keep up.
They lost of course.
I’m sure that bin had a face. And it was grinning.
And then there was that moment when you know you will fall.
Seems forever and you can do nothing to stop it…except try to roll?
Final video picture:
A tangled heap at the bottom of the drive, the toy boy, me with the wheelie on top …. All covered in rubbish.
Luckily we had stopped just before the garage door. But my head and the drive had met, a significant clunk.
You surface and wonder what you have done…start feeling and testing and “Are you Ok?” begins.
We were. At least nothing broken..Phew.
Certainly there were going to be bruises, but far more obvious, the beginnings of serious complaints from the Knees. Justified too!
But the most painful damage was to our joint pride.
We looked so silly lying there!
Mutual grimaces turned to relieved laughter.
“Well, that was stupid wasn’t it?” “Absolutely”. “Serves us right…..thinking we can still do anything”
Nothing like feeling a complete idiot is there?
And felt even more of an idiot when I realised I couldn’t get up. The Knees had had enough. No cooperation there. Even the Wheelie was of no help. A painful crawl to the nearest tree solved it. D got me to the house and the sofa, full of concern.
All I could say was “Peas! Please get the peas”.
Ah, the comfort of frozen peas!
And the consequence was?
Total anger from the Knees. They weren’t going to put up with that kind of abuse and showed it. Serious sulking going on here.
Inflamed, painful to straighten and over the next few days, the left Quadriceps muscle joined in, equally complaining once it realised it had been abused too.
Unfortunately for them, perhaps luckily for me they were owned by a Physio and were not allowed to get away with it. Regular pea ice packs, anti inflammatory pills and then ordered to straighten, contract, straighten contract, lift that heel until they begged for mercy, but did it.
Spent Christmas as the perfect example of a frail old lady, having to be helped out of Chair and up steps. Pathetic! Suspect the family thought this was it.
An interesting rehearsal for some future time?
But I did get to read my Christmas books.
And once into the new year the Knees were back out on their Magic Walk.. ……complaining of course. But a short but fast rhythmical stretch along Glasgow’s beautiful Kelvin River and Pride, Ego and the Knees were on the way back.
Pride goeth before a fall…You cant still do what you did at 50. No! Stop! Think!
Dont eat all the peas. Always have a bag ready. Better than ice cubes for moulding around joints.
Dont let joints get away with it! Bully them or they win. Insist they work back to full range and strength.
Misused peas, ie frozen un frozen, re frozen, for days make perfectly good soup.
If you have to be an idiot, you may as well enjoy the funny side….. “laughter is the best medicine”………..
And you get a good story to tell against yourself!