Stereotyping of Oldies?
Three stories: Lily, Pam and Elizabeth.
These stories are about real people who I knew*
Hearing them was my first wake up call to the problem of stereotyping in old age. So angry at the unthinking ageism they revealed, and so sad that the quality of life these people were living was just not recognised.
*I am unable to illustrate this with their actual pictures. However the ones I have chosen are as near as I can get.
Lily was 71, a slight silver haired lady. She slipped on her drive and broke her ankle. Shocked and shaken she was taken to the local hospital. They saw this white faced thin anxious old lady and looked after her beautifully. X Ray, plaster, soothing cuppa etc. Because she lived alone she had a bed for the night. Next morning the Registrar arrived to check the plaster. Lily looked even more anxious and distressed. “When will I be able to walk again?” was her only concern.
The Doctor was very reassuring. ” Don’t worry,” he said, “you will be able to toddle around the supermarket in about 6 weeks.”
Lily looked appalled. “That’s no good!” she said and sat upright. ” I am due to lead a party up Helvellyn in two months time. I have to do that!”
Doctors view of Lily:
Lily’s view of Lily:
Helvellyn ridge in the background.
Pam was 74, a widow and she had a hip,problem, in fact, two. She limped and was in pain, but still walked and coped. Her GP made a Consultant appointment for her, but it was a long wait. She asked if it was possible to get an early cancellation because it had become urgent.
It came and off she went. The young Consultant was very nice. He examined her. “Yes” he said, her hips were very stiff, but she was coping, it wasn’t urgent and she would have to continue on the waiting list.
Pam gritted her teeth, turned bright pink and said she didn’t agree. The Consultant raised an eyebrow. It took a moment to get her courage together before she plunged in. ” You see” she said ” I have met this fellow. We met at a cousins wedding. He is my age and widowed and we have hit it off. He’ s lovely” she said, blushing again.
The Consultant smiled kindly, but still seemed puzzled. ” Good ” he said “Nice to have companionship in your old age”
Desperate, Pam went for it “We can’t”she said “the hips won’t!”.
Then it dawned and Pam was put on the urgent list. One might say , ‘and they lived happy ever after.’
The Consultant’s view of Pam.
Lizabeth was 78. She had had breathing problems for years. They seemed to have been caused by excessive doses of radiotherapy in the earlier days of treating breast cancer. It worked though, and she was a survivor , but it left her susceptible to chest infections.
At the beginning of winter she came down with serious bronchopneumonia. A high fever, chest pain and severe breathing difficulty meant she had to go into hospital. She was taken to the excellent Geriatric Unit and presumably given the right med. However, during the night she had tried to get out of bed and get dressed. She insisted she must go home and seemed to be raving about her dolls. They restrained her and gave her something calming.
When her daughter arrived the young Houseman sat her down to talk about her Mother’s confusion.” It is not unusual as you get older” he explained gently, and went on to talk about Alzheimer’s and care options.
The daughter who had an NHS background herself listened to him. “She has a high fever” she commented.” Do you think that might cause confusion?” The young Houseman demurred and tried re -explaining the onset of dementia in the elderly to a family member who clearly had not yet understood.
” Odd” said the Daughter ” if it came on so quickly!” Then tactfully hiding a grin, she went on to explain that her Mother was a recognised lecturer. She specialised in local history and in the making of Apple dolls, of which she had a collection. ” I know” she said, “that she gave two talks last week and has her diary full for the whole winter. And, “she went on ” I came in today to reassure her that we had cancelled tonight’s Doll talk, because I knew she would be worrying.”
Housemans’s view of Elizabeth:
It isn’t that the Doctors were wrong. (Except perhaps the Houseman learned about the effects of a fever and about not jumping to conclusions without a proper history)
Stereotyping is not a bad thing. All humans do it. We need to.
If you see something big making growling noises you don’t stop to think about it. A stereotype of a dangerous animal has to be instant.
But an inappropriate stereotype causes problems and sometimes we dont recognise that we do hold one.
Stereotypical images of old age are created, often by experience, but too frequently by the media. Based on doom and gloom stories the result images have become linked with frailty and dementia or with wrinkles and decline. Ageing is to be feared….
It is not surprising that younger people have a limited view of what it is like to be old. They don’t see the majority of us! Our worlds dont overlap. Whilst they are at work , we are out at Yoga class or raising our adrenaline playing Golf, Bingo or Bridge : if we aren’t doing almost full time volunteering. Thousands and thousands of hours of Community work are done by us Oldies. Babysitting …you can go on and on.
But Doctors and younger people aren’t out there to see us are they? All they tend to see is the frail elderly lady in a clinic or slowly negotiating a crossing!
Yet if you go into the Countryside during the week you will almost inevitably meet gaggle after gaggle of silver haired walkers having a super time, rain or shine. On top of Helvelyn on a Tuesday in February a few years ago I met 30 retired Oldies. Not a youngster in sight. It is the reverse at weekends! It is the same in the National Parks. Hasn’t anyone noticed that!
Or we are off somewhere. What would the weekday and the out of season tourism industry do without us? Museums, Stately homes, RSPB reserves, Tea shops, Coach tours, ….Fairs, Festivals, Markets….or just exploring. The prevailing mood is “Lets go while we can” and we do.
We are becoming a large, politically significant group and a major and as yet unrecognised retail and tourism market. They haven’t realised it yet and need help to do so.
Most of us say we are busier after retirement than we ever were. And research shows the majority are very happy too.
Stereotypes can be changed.
(I am hopeful they are on the move. Look at Mary Berry, David Attenborough, Judy Dench, and the Queen!)
I have a relative who is in her late 80s and, despite terrible pain from arthritis and other health problems, she is a volunteer and has kept up all her interests over the years. I’ve an uncle heading into his mid-90s who helps his son in his shop every day.
I always tell younger people: imagine that every elderly person you see has the face of a twenty year old, and I bet you’ll react differently to them! It’s the visuals that do it, mostly, don’t you think? How we look.
Val, thanks for your comments. Really do appreciate it. I am sure you are right about appearance underlying the stereotypical image of age in the UK. Frailty, confusion loneliness problems have all become attached to that and it obscures all other human aspects. Luckily the wrinkles on the David Attenboroughs of the world are attached to learning, adventure, wisdom and life experience, as they are in other cultures.
It is changing the accepted stereotype to that positive version I want to campaign on.
Thanks for your help and welcome any advice.
What a totally brilliant blog post. Yes, very well said! I’ve been a blogger for about 3 years now and although it might seem I’m all about charity shop fashion it’s also about ageing (mine, I’m now 70) and ageism in the fashion industry of which there is buckets, of ageism, that is. There’s so much of this lumping us altogether into one ‘frail old type’ when in fact as we were when we were young so we will be as we age. Some will join and enthusiastically run anything and everything, others will play golf and go on holiday a lot, some will be vigorous into their 90s and some will be frail. I think you absolutely got it. Btw, I was a blogger on WordPress but now blog on my own setup at http://frugalfashionshopper.co.uk
I really love your posts x
Penny thanks for your comment. So happy to have them! Having only just started blogging it is very encouraging.
You are so right about the fashion industry! I despair sometimes being willing to,spend significantly and finding no help in shops or design.
We really do need a far more positive stereotype of ageing. I shall join you and keep campaigning.
This is a very erudite and wonderfully illustrated post that should be required reading by all health care professionals.
How encouraging! Thank you. Yes! Wouldn’t it be good if we could get this topic on Med School curriculum? I really do want to continue with this campaign to develop a much more positive stereotype of age. Do you have any ideas on how to spread the word? How do we get a blog read by those we think ought to see it? I am still a novice at all this and would welcome any advice.
Joyce please excuse another comment here but you are reposting or re-dating your already-published posts and this is something that is counterproductive if you want to attract more readers. Amongst other things, they won’t appear in email, they appear as duplicates in the Reader (so will push other people’s posts further down and obscure them), and people who have already read and commented on them will wonder what the heck is happening when they see the same post again. Also there is a rule in WordPress.com about not doing this often as otherwise they won’t list your posts in their internal search and so people will be less likely to find them. It’s wise not to do this.
I know it’s disappointing when you have a new blog and your posts aren’t getting as much attention as you’d like, but this is something that happens to all new blog, not just yours. Blogging takes quite a lot of patience. You will get more readers and commenters in time.
May I suggest that you put a ‘Recent Posts’ widget in your side panel so that visitors to your blog can just read what they’ve missed by clicking on the links to your most recent posts? Here’s how to do that: https://en.support.wordpress.com/widgets/recent-posts-widget/
Thanks Val. Appreciate your comments.. nitbreallysurevhowvthe system works yet. Learn everyday! Will certainly take note. Wasn’t aware it affected anyone else p. Apologies. You are right, I need to get the site sorted better. Still rather a technophobe…..
Scroll down this page: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/blogging-university/ and see if there’s anything of interest – it’s a number of short courses that help you undestand how to use this site (wordpress.com) and how to blog. It might be a good next step for you. 🙂
I love your articles! Giving me much food for thought.
I have an idea for getting more coverage. Have to tried Instagram? Feature photos of yourself and your life, or memes, and you can write blurbs under each photo then link to your full posts in your bio. And/or Facebook, though it’s harder to search topics in Facebook.
I found your blog via Instagram. Someone posted your photo and linked to one of your articles in her bio. I found her because I’m desperately seeking positive images of being older and looked up the word/hashtag #ageism on Instagram. There’s next to no one posting images, it’s very frustrating. Or I’m not aware of the hashtags that people are using, or they aren’t using hashtags at all, which makes it next-to impossible to find them.
I adore the Body Positivity movement via Instagram and Facebook which has lots of inclusive images and articles on how to smash sexism, fat phobia, and racism, and at it core supports smashing ageism. Yet, most of the Body Positive activists are under 30yo. I’m 44. I want to see and hear more about and/or from people my age and older.
You have made me rethink! I will have to give it a go…..but basically rather technophobic!
Thanks. We really do need to change the image of life’s third age…such bad PR at present . And wrong!
Reblogged this on .
There are going to be more and more of us eighty-somethings tipping the scales in the consumer market. The commercial world, and their PR agencies need to wake up to that fact fast or they’re going to lose out to rivals who start shifting their sales pitch in our direction.
Life changing, changed the way I think of cougars. I love older women and now I can feel more intiment towards them, feel free to email me
Lots of Love,